I don’t deal well with things, despite what people may believe. It is typically known that due to past events i am the ‘strong’ one in the family. The one that powers through what is thrown at me and comes out laughing at the other end. There are so many people who can’t do this, that run away from their problems and suffer with it, then there are the people who are much the same as me. The thing is, I believe it is mentally incapable of a person to just ‘get on with things’. At some point, whether at the time or in the far distant future, you will deal with it. Don’t for one second think that we people, who appear strong aren’t actually feeble. That we don’t need a shoulder to lean on or someone to act as a crutch when we start to limp a little. We too, know what it’s like when you’ve cried so much you just lay there in a catatonic state, as if frozen, in a coma. Your mind’s a jumble and you’re experiencing what they often recall seeing before death, life flashing before your eyes. You see the past, the present, the future, everything that’s causing you’re current and impending state and everything that could prevent it. Hours roll past and you feel as though you haven’t even moved an inch. Life brings us many wonderful things, experiences and fascinating people, but being man we deal with this feeble state, some may do so every night and some maybe once in a blue moon. They say draw on life experience, but what if you have none. Speak to some-one who you feel you can confide in they say, but by now everyone has moved on with their own lives, we are adults now. As you grow there is an awkward space, maybe not for all of us, but a space where you no longer cling onto the friends you had in school or college, but you haven’t yet a grown family or established confident relationships with people you now know. You have no-one to speak to, and maybe even that one person who you can trust to be there no matter what the reason or the time of day, is the person that’s causing your turmoil. The problem I have found is that once you’ve dealt with so many mind-affecting instances, you begin to draw on them every time you’re slightly emotionally effected. You wonder if things would have been different, you wonder if you would have dealt with things in a different way or whether you would have differing coping mechanisms. But the honest truth is that at the end of the day, the only person that is and can ever get you through your own emotional turmoil is yourself. You may think others have helped you through it, and they possibly did have an acting role, but the only person who changes your own actions is yourself. So we power through again, and we’ll power through this time, because that’s what we do best.
I’ve spent the majority of my teenage years feeling angry at people and hating people who kept trying to take things i loved from me, all to realize that i was fighting over nothing and in the end, everything changes. I no longer care about those things, and i no longer care about those people. So try not to be too protective over what’s ‘yours’, you might have something better later on.